Pagan Marriage - Feminist Fatal 2019
If you're reading this around the time it was published you probably arrived at my blog via my bio link, directed there via a very cute currently unwritten post about my engagement to Anders and some hints about the radical perspective shift I am manifesting for my art in 2019. Whether you're here as a fellow sappy romantic to hear a little bit of our love story or more interested in pondering the questions of art, community and personal and environmental sustainability with me, thank you for your curiosity, and I already love you.
I am generally quite careful when using any of the "witchy" buzzwords that fly around on the internet. For example, I've noticed the word Shaman thrown around by self-described spiritual white folks who think they can study indigenous religions and take psychedelics and suddenly they're allowed to co-opt a word for someone with a sacred position in marginalized cultures. I think those of us (especially me as a cis-white American person) who are exploring spirituality need to be very cautious of what words we use and should actually be actively trying to create NEW words. HOWEVER, pagan means "a person holding religious beliefs other than those of the main world religions" and both my partner, Anders and I certainly fit that description, so it feels important to me to say that we are going to have a gloriously pagan wedding and marriage.
We decided to get ring tattoos because both of us are disgusted by the tradition of wedding rings for their consumerism and environmental impact and their historical symbol of oppression of women of course. However, we didn't ditch the ring idea entirely because there is a lot of power in the symbolism of circles, cycles, time and love.
Why are we getting married at all if we're changing so many of its traditional details (monogamy being a big one)? I grew up in a very conservative part of America. I believe that those of us on the most privileged margins of capitalism (we're both queer anarchist freaks, but we can pass) have an opportunity to engage with the old traditions in a way that can open up the minds of those who have staked their whole lives in their worth. For our particular relationship, it feels more subversive to take the mantle of that tradition and embroider it with our own psychedelic love designs, to take up space as husband and wife, to invite my conservative family to a celebration of love unlike anything they expected, and to basically smash people's expectations. Also we are die hard romantics who have always wanted to commit our lives to someone!
Anders is my dream man. He used to be a Canadian Olympic swimmer in high school and then quit the game because he hated the special treatment star athletes receive. He moved into a tiny cabin in the woods and fell deep into heroin addiction and depression. My baby's been clean for five years this February and in that time has redevoted himself to music and leads an incredible feminist, psychedelic trash glam band. He's also an herbalist and organic gardener with a mission to teach folks how to grow their own medicines and food. I do all the promo art for his band and he writes music for my projects. We take turns cooking and cleaning, make love madly and often, forgive while still encouraging growth and SHOW UP for each other every day. Our driving vision is to work our fucking asses off in our respective arts and eventually purchase a large property in Alaska where we can host artists, friends and festivals, grow our own food, have horses and raise little baby foxes (we call ourselves fox fam for our red hair and mischievous dispositions). This has always been my plan but I thought I was going to be doing it alone. I never spoke my dreams out loud. Now I feel I can speak them into existence.
Secret Clothing Line?!
One of those dreams I am speaking (and working) into existence is Feminist Fatal S/S 2O19. I've been feeling deeply troubled by the fact that the t-shirts I sell now are not environmentally friendly or sweatshop free. I honestly don't really know where they come from and it keeps me up at night. Right now I am designing a sexy, summery femme clothing line to debut in the spring that is all made of environmentally friendly, fair trade pieces and screen printed here in Seattle. Not only will I be able to sleep at night but the quality is going to be DREAMY. I want to create the type of clothing my kids will be excited to inherit as vintage treasures.
No-ing My Worth
2018 Was Year of Yes, 2019 is Year of No-ing My Worth
Instead of just running around like a chicken with her head cut off as I did in 2018, saying yes to every opportunity, this year my goal is to do everything with intention.
I am no longer taking any graphic design commissions unless it's for a friend or a project that perfectly aligns with my vision (for example, I was just approached to draw a cover for an erotic fiction book written by a woman of color, UM YES). By the end of this year, I felt like I had barely made any of my own art, selling my style to very sweet and lovely clients with small budgets and big visions, feeling like I was falling off a treadmill, exhausted from constantly chasing 50-100 bucks. It was worth it overall, I made lots of connections, built my portfolio and learned major lessons, but this year I am concentrating on drawing for my art and letting the paper come to me rather than chasing it. I would rather use my time to support my friends for free than sink hours of time into something I'm underpaid for anyway.
I've always struggled with saying no but one interesting psychological shift in getting engaged to my baby is that I'm feeling more confident in reinforcing boundaries. We have a beautiful vision of love, generosity, and art that's going to require years of grind to see into fruition and I simply don't have the time or energy to stray off the path and let myself get pulled in a million different directions again.
However, although I won't be doing any more graphic design commissions, saving that magic juice for my posters, 2019 is the year I will be slaying videos and photo shoots! I shot a music video on New Years, have a few more commissions lined up for the spring, and am going to invest in better equipment and bring my fans and clients more feminist psychedelia in motion! Also, I absolutely love doing photo shoots, it isn't half as time-consuming or artistically draining as making graphic art, and I'm already making moves in that arena as well. If you have any friends who need photos let them know I'll have time for shoots throughout the spring!
The majority of my existential dread comes from being all to aware of our precarious position in nature right now. On top of greening up my business, Anders and I have decided to go pescatarian (he was when I met him but I lured him back into burgers) and start focusing my posters and artwork to have more of an ecofeminist message. The environment is a huge part of intersectionality. Not only does the destruction of the world ecosystem spell death for the whole human race but even small acts of destruction affect the most marginalized first who cannot afford to escape the consequences of our actions.
I've also been writing a psychedelic feminist environmental apocalypse novel set in Seattle and Alaska (check out my mini audiobook SEXIDELICK, for me narrating some of the juicy sex scenes). Writing is my primary passion but I've been putting it on the back burner out of artistic anxiety and the whole chicken head cutting situation. This year I am hoping to finish enough of it to secure a book deal or agent.
You have to know what you want to get it.
This is my motto for 2019. You have to know what you want and what you DON'T want to make it happen and 2018 was a big year for me in terms of figuring out goals other than "be an artist." I hope some of my musings here were interesting or helpful to someone and I always want to hear about other people's manifestation tips and processes!
Peace and Love,